Category Archives: satire

How to be 50: How to Accessorize

By Charlotte Latvala

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Just to be clear:  How to be 50 is not a fashion blog. Truth be told, we get a little anxious when talking about our appearance. We would rather be sitting down with a nice cold glass of Pinot Gris and reading Persuasion for the fifth time.

However, talk about it we must. Because at 50, certain changes occur. Waistlines expand while other body parts deflate. There’s a certain trick to dressing the ever-evolving middle-aged body.

That trick is called “accessories.”

Accessories exist for one purpose and one purpose only: To pull the eye away from wrinkly necks, lumpy backs, and cleavage that’s more matronly than eye-popping. Here are the basics: Continue reading

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Filed under 1970s, clothes, fashion, humor, lists, mid-life, middle-aged, satire

How to be 50: How to Appear Successful

By Charlotte Latvala
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By Charlotte Latvala

By 50, you’ve figured out who you are, where you’re going, and how to get there.

Except that you haven’t. (Don’t feel bad. We at “How to be 50” are experts at being middle-aged and clueless.)

However, even if you have an empty checking account, a comatose career, and no discernible talent or ambition, you can still fake success with the best of them.

Don’t believe us? Try this: Continue reading

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Filed under life advice, mid-life, middle-aged, money, parody, satire, self-help, successful

How to be 50: How to Make Excuses

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By Charlotte Latvala

You’re 50 and you haven’t scaled the heights of anything – you’re not a CEO, your kids don’t attend Ivy League colleges, and your novel is still languishing as a half-hearted Word document in the depths of a folder labeled “Future projects?”

Sure, you could own up to your failings. You should have worked harder, and smarter, and been a more focused human being. But why do that when you can make terrific (and honestly, more interesting) excuses? Here are a few to get you started: Continue reading

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Filed under 1970s, 50, humor, lists, mid-life, middle-aged, satire

How to Improve Your Memory

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By Charlotte Latvala

Forgetfulness at 50 is common. In fact, we at How to be 50 have conducted extensive research on this very important subject.

We just can’t remember what we did with it. But, we promise, we will post the links just as soon as we remember.

What were we talking about? Continue reading

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Filed under 50, humor, memory, mid-life, middle-aged, satire

How to be Tech-Savvy

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By Charlotte Latvala

We all know the stereotype: Middle-aged man or woman staring in utter confusion at a screen, unable to decipher the gizmo without an eye-rolling teenager to help.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead and laugh, kids – but Steve Jobs was from our generation. Stick that in your USB port. Continue reading

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Filed under middle-aged, parody, satire, self-help, tech

How to Host a Book Club

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By Charlotte Latvala

Belonging to a book club is a rite of passage akin to going to the prom, landing your first job, or getting that introductory piece of mail from AARP. That’s right; at 50, you are required by law to gather monthly with other 50-year-old people and discuss books that you all hated. Or loved. It doesn’t matter, because after the first two glasses of wine no one much remembers the books anyway. Continue reading

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Filed under 50, book clubs, humor, mid-life, parody, satire